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Whaty do u think of this story? |
Whaty do u think of this story? I can see that you put a lot of thought and hard work into this! Keep it up and continue having fun with it! :-) First of all, if you are going to get a publisher to look at your material it must be easy to read and understand. Second, what you write has to "grab" a reader and then keep their attention. I don't know if Yahoo Answers gave enough room to separate this into paragraphs--however, it would help the reader keep up with the story. Beginning a new paragraph is a way to show that a different person has started speaking. This helps the flow of the story and gets rid of many extra words. (i. e. Bob said, Jane added, Bob answered, Jane asked.) The other thing that will help is to keep the tenses the same. i.e. "Someone is watching her" (present tense) when the rest of the story is in past tense. It should read "Someone was watching her". Also, please choose a variety of words instead of using the same word over and over. I'm specifically referring to this section: 鈥淯mmm. . . I want to go exploring, running is boring when you鈥檝e been there all ready,鈥?Dianne thought! 鈥淲hat鈥檚 this,鈥?she thought? 鈥淭here鈥檚 a main trail back to the house but . . . now that wouldn鈥檛 be fun,鈥?she thought!" These should be enough for you to work on for now. Keep polishing & it will get better! :-) . Source(s): College degree in Communication Consultancy with an English Minor. no one will answer this since it is so long. i say leave the crack pipe alone and get a job kay well i really didnt ffeel like readen all that but i hope u have fun writen all that... Are you kidding? I am not going to read all of that! how the heck you could write this long? i thought they put limitation on how many words you could put in. anyway you gave me headache! |
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