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| *Vultures Knob>>>Street Bike |
Goodness and Compassion? |
Ever since I was a child, I was raised to be a good person. When I meet people, I treat them with kindness & respect. I hate bad feelings & holding grudges. I even hate "hate" itself & would much rather be friends than enemies. Knowing me, I would probably even risk my life for an enemy, even if they deserved to die. I try to live a life of love, respect, friendship & happiness because I don't want to become the thing I hate, evil. However, for almost a decade, there has been a war of good against evil within me. I was bullied badly in High School (maybe it was because they knew I was a good person & hated fighting) & my faith in good people was SEVERELY damaged. Some people have even tried to take advantage of my good nature, but luckily I'm familiar with the warning signs & I'm no longer gullible. Sometimes, horrible people I don't even know will shout at me on the streets while I'm cycling my bike. Should I just give up on my faith for good if they gain no respect? Feeling fed up with other people's obnoxious behavior or feeling angry/hurt at bullies doesn't mean that there is evil within you. "Good" or "kind" people aren't saints; it is normal and healthy to express anger and pain at our situations. Sometimes our fuel runs low and we have a hard time replenishing the milk of kindness. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Remember that as awfully as some people treat you, there are probably a hundred people who remember your everyday kindness and they carry it with them. Sure, assholes come into my life, but I don't remember them. I let them win if I do, and I let them win if they make me as bitter and hateful as they are. It can be hard to treat others with respect when I feel like they don't respect me, until I remember that how I treat others is entirely dependent on how I feel about myself. When I trust myself, feel good about myself as a person, it's easy to overlook moronic behavior. When I am depressed or weary from the antics of others, I tend to be hard on myself and that translates to how I want to treat others. I think that being mean to others would cost you more than you think. It's hard to deny all that you've found to be important and to stop from hating yourself in the end. Don't let THEM win! Please do not give up on your faith. I to, at one time only wanted to see the good on people and for years I was gullible and many people used it to their advantage. I was hurt very bad by many people, but faith was my rock and still is. I no longer associate with those people and as you say, "Know the warning signs" of those to keep away from. People will come and go, but faith will always remain loyal and constant in your life. Best of luck to you I don't know if anyone can truly answer this one for you. Some answers you need to find for yourself. My suggestion would be to ask yourself this. "Do I have my faith for myself and the benefit of all involved, or do I have my faith to get respect from others?" Remember, one of the hardest things about faith or even just being a good person through adversity, is that there will always be challenges, sometimes insurmountable ones, to both. If you are truly as good a person as you have expressed here, then I doubt that you will sincerely change to a "bad" person just because of some things people have done to you. If you wish to maintain your happiness, faith, and devotion to your own goodness, I would suggest seeking someone to share your feelings with so that you do not let the negative ones build up into resentful outbursts that could harm your faith in yourself and possibly the feelings of others. Negativity spreads like wildfire unless it is held in check. For every time you let someone else's negativity affect you to the degree that you are negative to someone else, not only do you create more negativity in the person you have wronged, but you also cultivate the negativity within yourself, allowing it to grow and have a greater effect upon your life. If you manage to find positive outlets for this same energy or even just see the silver lining to the dark clouds then you may be able to act in a positive way, exponentially benifiting the world in the same pattern that the negativity would have spread. I respect you, regardless of your past or your choices. I hope that you can respect yourself and find your peace. |
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