Is it really better to come from a broken home than be living in one?

I see people post this all the time but is it really true? I love my three girls a lot. I bathed them when they were little. I shared every moment of their lives. I put them to bed at night( still they are 7(twins) and 9). I take them bike riding, play sports with them. They love me too. But I am no longer in love with their mother. She was controlling and a ***** to me. She used to put me down in front of others and stuff like that. But now we separated in differnet rooms and going to therapy. It just isnt' working. Now the therapist thinks I should move out of the house and I don't have the guts to do it. I keep thinking about my little girls who I love so much and what kind of a father would leave these beautiful gems when they need him the most? I feel so guilty and my wife adds to that as well( you are going to distroy this family). I keep thinking how am I going to tell them that I will be moving out? What would they think of me? God i love them so much.

My wife will not abuse the children and I think they are better off with her since she is a stay at home mom and one of the girls is diabetic. She loves the girls just as much as I do. She would not hurt them nor would she withhold them from me.

Listen to me. I stayed in a similar situation for the kids. I stayed for 18 years for the kids.

At the end of it, the kids turned out fine, thank goodness.

But my soul had been sucked dry. I was a changed person. I was deeply tired, inside and out, on a deep soul level, from compromising myself, from not being able to go out and have a life with someone who could truly love me.

At the end of it I barely had the energy to live. Let alone go and make a new life for myself. The best I could hope for was to just....rest. To just find a place where no people were, where I could just rest and recover for who knows how long.

Think long and hard about staying there for the kids. I know it's a hell of a decision to have to make, believe me, I know. I wasn't able to make the decision to break up their home and their mommy and daddy - I just didn't feel I had the right to do that to them. I loved them too much. You understand what I mean.

Looking back, it may have been better if I had just left and ended up with someone who truly loved me, in a functional and happy relationship, kids on shared custody and having to adjust to having a happy parent in a real relationship as a good model for them. Kids are resilient, they get over things and just want life to be happy. At first of course it wouldn't have been happy, if I had left, but it wouldn't have taken long for things to settle down and get back to normal for them.

Looking back, I can see all of that now. Now I'm almost 50 years old, and I regret the almost 20 years of my life I lost. In 20 more years I'll be damned near 70, and I have wasted so much of my life here.

So please, think twice no matter what decision you make. it's very hard to look 20 years into the future and see what condition you'll be in after enduring 20 years of a marriage that isn't working. But consider that the condition you find yourself in by the end of that time won't be good, more than likely.

Best wishes and good luck. I really don't have any other advice for you, but I hope that sharing my own experience will help you look ahead to the future at least.

when the time is right you will know what to do. There is never any magical answer for a question like this. Technically I have heard that kids will pick up on the fact your wife is the one who is manipulative and you are the stable one, and gravitate towards wanting you to probably stay and her to leave.

If you move out or divorce your wife your life will change. But the fact that you are a father to wonderful children doesn't change. Let your children grow up where they can see a healthy relationship.

This is so sad. I'm truly sorry for you. I've always told my children that in order for them to make someone happy, they must be happy with themselves. Don't you think the girls know you're unhappy at home? I'm afraid they do. They love you just as much as you love them and they want you to be happy. How many times have you heard the old story "we stayed together for the children" and how many times have you heard the kids say (after they grew up) "you should have just left."
The way I see it, the moment you fell out of love with each other the family as a whole was already destroyed. The bond was broken. Your girls will always be there for you. They will always love their daddy. You don't fall out of love with your daddy! I think you need to try to continue with your life. Without their mother. It will be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do, but I think in order for you to keep yourself in a good mental state it needs to be done. Unless, maybe some more therapy might do the trick. I hate to tell someone to end a marriage. Sometimes it's for the best. In order to keep everyone sane!
I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide. God bless.

As someone who comes from a broken home - its a whole lot less trauma to the kid if the parents dont break up until after the kids have turned 18. It really damaged us..

It really hurt our image of the world as safe. It took away our expectation that the relationships that we thought were solid, and really needed to be solid in our lives especially at our state of development. If we cant rely on mom and dad who can we rely on?

Wait 5 years. Sue for custody. Why should you move out - get mom to move out.

Children are smarter than we give them credit for - They may have already picked up on you and your wife's feelings for each other. It is hard to go, but it's sometimes better to leave, than it is to stay. Just be sure if you do leave, that you have quality time with your children as much as possible. They may not quite understand things now, but they will when they get older. I am so sorry you are going through this and god bless you for loving your children so much (No matter what happens, I'm sure they know Dad loves them more than anything in the world).

I am so sorry for your problems. Your children love you as much as you love them but they can sense the pain in that house. They will blame themselves for your unhappiness. Think how much better it would be for them to spend time with a happy dad instead of a sad miserable one. You have to realize they feel the tension in the air.. and if by chance.. and I hope not, that you and your wife are fighting in front of them or within ear shot you are messing them up. If you move out try to get joint custody of your kids. I wish you and your wife could work out your problems but if that's not the case move out and look forward to the happy times that will eventually come your way.

DIVORCE is your solution. The relationship with your wife has nothing do with you daughters. Being a husband and a father are in two different categories. Obviously your daughters aren't old enough to understand what is going on but they will get to an age where they will see two parents that don't love each other. They will think this is normal for a couple to sleep separately and this will affect there future relationships. It honestly sounds like you have given it all you can and there is no more to give so the best thing is to get out of the situation but do not give up your girls. As long as you are honest with them and sit down and explain to them what is going on they will understand you and love you either way. Remember kids love you no matter what they are the only ones that will not judge us. Your wife is just trying to manipulate you by telling you you will ruin the family. If you divorce her it will be only her and not your girls. This is going to be tough but honestly are you going to stay unhappy forever?? whatever you decide good luck.

#1 how can she stay at home if you are not providing all the income anymore? Do you make enough money to fully support 2 households? #2 Have you guys really given it enough time to be sure this is the only way? I mean you both loved each other once. Have you tried to get that back? Kids are always better off with two loving parents. I think you need to find a new counselor. If you feel that strongly about your girls I would not leave.

Let me talk to you from the kids point of view. Im 24 years old now and I have a 22 year old sister. My parents seperated 2 years ago and turns out my dad stayed all these years for our sake (us girls)
I cant imagine what my life may had been like had I not grown up in a "normal" household. im very gratfeul he stayed, but at the same time, now being old enough to clearly understand everything, I feel bad he stayed.
To stay out of guilt is not the right reason. Hes now paying for it big time (my dad). Its like he has to start over now or something at 44 years old. Which of course is still young, but still. He could have left when he was only 30.
But from my point of view, Im glad he stayed. If he wasnt happy with the marriage, it never showed (or I just was too young to see) because around me and my sister he was always so happy. He grew up in group homes, orphan homes, etc. so it was very important to him to be a family and eat dinner every night together, that sort of thing. And although they're going through their troubles now and finally facing it, I must say, Im glad he did stay all those years. I dont know how I would have turned out otherwise. Guess no one ever knows. Everything happens for a reason.......You'll know the right thing to do. GOOD LUCK =)

I think your a great dad and your daughters will see that more than anything it will hurt them more if they saw you fight with their mom all the time .You don't want them to treat you like your wife does .I think it would hurt them if you didn't do any of those things with them anymore.Your kids love you and they want to see you happy too and 7 and 9 they start to understand a little bit but its your job to make them understand how you feel .make arrangements and always always keep your promises to them

I understand what you are going through.

Is there a way you could gain custody of the children? It sounds like they would be better off with you.

If not then I sincerely hope you stay. If she is like that with you and you leave I would be afraid she will start treating the children like she treated you. That would be horrific. They are so innocent and she could damage them for life.

I can't believe the councilor didn't think about what would happen to them once you were gone. If you can live with her just a little longer until the children got older it would be worth it.

Or at the very least if you leave then take them to counceling so they know what is happening. And if your wife starts abusing them like she did you then try to get custody. My heart goes out to them.

If they were older I would say move out. But at that age it will be harder on them then you and your wife. Hang on for them.