Ladies please tell me what I am doing wrong.?

OK. We are now separated after 15 years of marriage with 3 kids. I like to describe myself and tell me what I am doing wrong. First of all i am very atheletic. Go to the gym at 9 after kids go to bed. In great shape( weight lifter). I love doing this.
I work 8-4 make 200k a year(5 days a week). I am very friendly and funny. I have 3 kids between 8-11 year old. Very close to them. I have given them baths since they were born. Played with them. Bottle fed them. Up at nights with them. Played sports. Taught them how to ride bikes. Neighbors called me father of the year. Bought a nice house. Wife never worked. I never went out with friends to be with kids. I am really good with wife. I do work around house( landscaping, painting,...) I have her take abreak when I get home. She does her stuff. I decided to go on a weekend trip with friends. She got so upset that I don't care about her and family. I said are you kidding( i am going to add details now).

I went away any ways and she made my life miserable after that. No talking to me no nothing. after a month she said that i was selfish and all I care is me. I started to try to understand what is wrong with me. What else can I do? I see other men who do nothing all day. I started thinking and things got worst. In addition we have no sex life but I always thought that is what happens when you get married. After that we had no sex.Recently we went on a vacation and man we got into a major fight. I then dislike her and can't stand her. So i separated and she changed. She stopped nagging me. So I decided to give her a try ( we did counseling). Every try i see her slowly shifting to her old self of not being appreciative.
Finally after tryign severla times I said I am moving out. She started to cry and promised to change and said think about the kid. My question. What did I do wrong? Shoudl be be an a hole to wife so they respect me like most other men?

It comes down to the fact that your wife is so set in her ways that its very difficult to change. There is nothing wrong with what you have done. I would think about getting on tape how she acts and show her. Most people who have to have their way do not notice how they are acting. Get a hidden camera and keep it with you, when she acts like she owns the worls and you owe her so much time for family then play it back for her to see. I thinnk that would help jump start her need for change.

it sounds like you were just TOO good to her!
she began to take you for granted.

Drop her and dont be a PUSH over..

I'm real sorry this sounds so one sided it's hard to believe

Your selfish.




LMAO!

lol val

You spoiled her rotten. You need to go anyway. Just go, don't worry about what she is saying.

Well i think its hard to tell because this is only ur side of the story....i would have to hear both sides......because i knew some really horrible people that thought they were perfect and dont understand why people dont like them...... and on the weekend trip were their any female friends involved? why couldnt u invite ur wife?

Your actions speak louder than your words. If you love your family, you need to show them that you love them. If you love your wife, you need to show her that you love her. Going out without her consent is disrespectful. If you spend all your time in the gym, you're not spending it with your family.

Do you take your family to church? Do you lead your family in paths of righteousness? What have you taught your children? Do they know what love is by the example you set? Do they know what respect is by the example you set? Does your wife know how much you love her each and every day? Are you emotionally intimate with her?

She's upset with you because you're not meeting her needs. Just bringing home the bacon is not enough. You need to be the best father, the best son, and the best husband you are capable of being.

Best Regards,
Docmase

I think "missy d" hit the nail on the head.

When do you have time to be a husband, a lover or a companion to your wife? It sounds like you've got the part of father, employee and friend down pat but you need to work on the intimate relationship with your wife.

I'm going to guess that it wasn't about you taking a trip with the guys is was that you were not home paying attention to her. If you had nurtured that part of your relationship with your wife she wouldn't feel neglected and want to be around her 24/7.

I think it's a real shame that you are going to throw a 15 year marriage away and ruin those 3 children.

Don't think about how you can do it better next time, think about how you can do this one better......Love her as much, if not more, than you love your job and your kids and your friends.......just love her.

You were obviously too nice to her and she took advantage of that fact. Its a pity it happened though. Move on with your life since she has decided to be that way. On the other hand, I would want you to consider going back to her and giving her the benefit of the doubt if there is any further room for such. You can change her. She is almost frustrated and needs a helper. You are that person who could offer such a helping hands. Why don't you see this as another opportunity to support a figure that might be lost. Be there for her OK.

Kick her to the curb let he find out what is like in the real world. She was probably cheating on you and just wanted a reason any reason to get out so she picked your trip. Sounds like you should get the nobel prize for husbands. I don't even do half of what you claim and my wife loves me.

let's see. you work 8 to 4. play with kids, do yard work and other items around the home. Then you go to the gym and work out after the kids go to bed. When do you be a friend/lover/companion to your wife?..I think I would be lonely if I were her

Sounds to me like your wife doesn't know a good thing when she's got it. My first point would be that a Zebra cannot change it's stripes. Meaning I think even if she 'changed' for a little while I don't honestly think it will last very long because she will get comfortable with her life style and habits again and then there you are back at square one. My next thought: As for her saying "think about the kids" it is not a good idea to stay in an unhappy marriage for the children. The kids KNOW when something is not right and it's not good for them to be in a tense environment.My third opinion: Sex is not something that goes away as the marriage progresses. I believe that there is no 'spark' between two people in a relationship you need to fix whatever is wrong and bring back that 'spark'. Without passion how long can a relationship really last? (I believe not long!) My fourth point would be... Sometimes a person just needs to get away. Everything you do for your family SHOWS how much you care for them. I wish my husband gave me alone time when he got home from work! BUT my husband does do a lot for our family and he too is able to have his 'guy' time... hunting, fishing, working on his trucks etc.. My point here is that there is nothing wrong with you going away for a small weekend trip, I would rather know that you are going out with your friends for one weekend then think you might be cheating because you are unhappy.
So my last and final thought to you is this... If you are unhappy and the marriage isn't working. Even after counseling sometimes you have to be able to say enough is enough.. I would rather my children see a happy father (alone) then an unhappy father with an unhappy mother. That is just MY PERSONAL opinion. I wish you luck and sanity!

I think the only thing you did wrong, was when you said "are you kidding me?" and then proceeded to go on the trip anyways.

I'm not saying you shouldn't have gone on the trip, by all means.. you deserved it!- but unless you left something out.. it doesnt sound like you took her feelings into consideration when she expressed to you that 'she was upset and that you dont care about her and her family'.

Even if that's bogus... she is your wife and you owe it to her to 'communicate'... ask her why she felt that way. Explain to her that you do love her and the kids, reiterate everything you do ( that you listed here, unless of course, its an exaggeration of the truth) and just say its only a weekend, I'll be back before you know it.. and when i get back we can have a nice romantic evening just the two of us, I'll call the babysitter.

I dont think she would have been nearly as upset. I truly think the only thing missing here is communication. Instead of 'communicating' effectively, you just said "are you kidding me?" ( which in a way minimized what she was feeling) and then went on the trip anyways... bad move.

She shouldnt have held the grudge that long, thats not healthy, and I'm sure the kids picked up on it. Marriage counseling could potentially help save the two of you, but in order for it to work.. you both need to want it.