Husband with medical issues not taking care of himself?

My husband has Sleep Apnea and depression. Both have caused weight gain and both are made worse by weight gain. Every doctor he has seen in the past year has told him to get gastric-bypass (weightloss) surgery. He is non compliant with his sleep apnea treatment and is not only retaining fluid but one of his calves is swollen as big as his thigh. Because of the depression and lack of restfull sleep at night he is tired all the time. He will nod off during a conversation. The excess fluid and weight are taking a toll on his knees. He is barely able to walk and uses the scooter stores provide if we have to go out shopping. To top it off he has lost his job and insurance. How do I get him to comply. I can't go to the appointments he has to attend prior to surgery for him. I am doubly frustrated because coincidentally, my mother had similar health issues. She was non compliant and died. We have two young children. Do I push him or do I just watch him die?

Is he doing anything about the sleep apnea? In my personal case I lost 75 pounds just by getting the CPAP breathing machine and getting use to it! I am 61 now and using the machine for 2 years has turned my life around! I was literally PUSHED PULLED SCREAMING FIGHTING HARDHEADED STUBBORN INSISTING THAT I HAD NO PROBLEM UNTIL MY WIFE JUST FLAT MADE ME GO TO A SLEEP LAB!! MY WIFE MADE ME GO!

SO MY WIFE SAVED MY LIFE! SOMEDAY YOUR HUSBAND WILL SAY THAT ABOUT YOU!

DO WHATEVER YOU CAN DO! HAVE PATIENCE WITH HIM BUT JUST KEEP ON BEING STUBBORN ! IF HE IS A HAS A HARD HEAD LET YOURS BE THAT MUCH HARDER!

HE IS WORTH THE EFFORT!


I DID NOT REALLY APPRECIATE MY WIFE'S EFFORTS AT THE TIME NOW I CANNOT THANK HER OR SAY THINGS NICE ENOUGH ABOUT HER SHE IS A TRUE ANGEL!

SIGNED

A SAVED HUSBAND

APS

I don't have an answer but GOD BLESS YOU for caring

listen i fell you on that help him push him to the limited but if you cant theres nothing eles you can do

Well, you definitely need to be there for his appointment prior to surgery. Whatever you have to do--be there. Can you really say you have something more important? No. Sounds like he has pitting edema in that leg--maybe both. That is VERY serious just by itself. If he still refuses to comply, there isn't much you can do but to leave him. I'm not kidding. Take the kids and tell him you cannot sit and watch him die--and the kids don't need to see it. Don't enable him to continue like this. Watch him die or leave are the only options you have.

PUSH, PUSH, PUSH!!! Sometimes people who have health issues combined with depression tend to get into self pity mode. My husband included. It took a bit of tough love to get him focused on his wellness again. I actually had to leave my home with my two children to make him realize that I wasn't going to watch him destroy himself. Now he's doing much better and the children and I are back. Stick in there. And if you love your husband push him to get the help he so desperately needs!

always be with him and do support him when he needs you. Don't get irritated when he does something wrong, probably he needs help. Remind him to take medicines if not you give him.
Its very necessray to give him moral support n love.

ultimatums
shock
& parenting might make a difference

My dad has diabetes & is overweight. He's busy all the time & often forgets to take medication and to meet appointments.

What my mum does therefore is just treat him like another child; it's hard, but it might help to assume that you have three children instead of two & he needs to be mothered as much, if not more than the other kids.

You could try & shock him into reforming himself if his symptom change talk to him about "what are we/ what we are going to to do when you die." (this worked for my dad, especially when my mum said things like;

"what I'M going to do when you die...
you're going to miss the children's ...
i won't do this forever...
& she even, refused and then offered to continue with their love life as long as he can show compliance...)

If he has empathy or sympathy or any amount of jealousy strike at it. It's quite invasive emotionally but it may get results.

It has to be his depression more than anything that's causing such unfortunate noncompliance. I'd fight it to the end, and just assume that he can't help you.

if the worst comes to the worst and the isurance is needed maybe moving here to england might help, because we have an NHS which provides visiting nurses and carers for individuals and families such as yourself, i don't know if you might have an equivalent there. If you can get any kind of a helping hand, or support even just verbally asking the kids to talk to the dad & take him the medication ... if you can, you must.