How many of these concern you?
Any one of your bikes is worth more than your car.
You choose an apartment solely on the basis of whether or not it is flat enough to ride into and how close the good roads/trails are.
Your bike rack is worth more than your car.
Your legs are tan only to mid-thigh.
The first thing you ask when you regain consciousness is "How's my bike".
You actually move farther form work so your bike commute will be longer.
You mentally log every meal as "good fuel" or "bad fuel".
Your learn you have X money left over after paying bills and the first thing you do is reach for the nearest bicycling catalog.
75% of the tools you own are from Park or Campagnolo.
You dream of winning the lottery, and the first thing you think of is "how many/which bikes can that money buy?"
You can tell your significant other with a straight face that its too hot to mow the lawn then take off and ride a century. Someone in a car asks for directions and you accidentally give them a route that includes motor vehicle barriers, or a route that bypasses all freeways/busy roads (or is very scenic etc.)
You buy a car based on whether or not a bike will fit in the trunk/back
You pull up hard on the steering wheel trying to jump your car over a pot-hole.
You know the distance of every point of interest within 20 miles of your house as well as the location of every pot-hole along the way.
You refuse to buy a couch because that patch of wall space is taken up by your bikes. When someone scratches your bike and you try to file a claim with the insurance company
When you wake up sitting upright holding the pillow like a handlebar
When you shop for hitmen when someone steals your bike
When you replace underwear with cycling shorts under your jeans
When you wear shorts and t-shirts during the winter with arm & leg warmers
When you roll down the window of your car and signal a turn with your arm
When you start tailgating other cars on the freeway to reduce wind resistance
When you step on the gas pedal on a downhill slope
When you lock your bike while it's inside your home
When you clean it more than you shower
When you replace your gas & brake pedals with cleats
When you bike to a restaurant dressed in tights with your girlfriend
When the first thing that you think of after a break up is your bike
When you try to jump speed ramps with your car
When you drive in the carpool lane because your a cyclist. (True Story) One day you drive to work, turn off the car, then realize you've parked next to the bike rack.
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Edit: Sounds like DB is a little bitter. Guys, check the history, one of your wives may be checking up on you.
Edit2: Nice one, Crazy.
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Edit 3:
There are parts scavenged from your bike parts bin holding your wife's car together. when, out of spite, the soon to be exwife fights harder for half of your bikes than she does for alimony or child support in the divorce proceedings.
semi true story.
db are you my ex wife? you can have the felt, im keeping the cannondale and the squishy little italian job. you get a testicle removed to become more aerodynamic.
you take steroids to win the tour de france because everyone else is also on steroids.
you've nearly been hit by somebody opening their car door as you pass their parked car. I am laughing because you forgot to add the upper arm partial tan, and the sunburned lips. I took a tumble yesterday, and though my hip was killing me, and I was picking road tar out of elbow, I was praying I did not trash my bike. In answer to your original question - when you ride a bike!
As for your alternative answers - obsession, obsession, obsession!!!! (and I don't mean that in a nice way - as in, maybe you need to get out and get a life!) When someone mentions "8 seconds" you don't think of bull riding; you think of Greg LeMond winning the Tour de France on the last day in 1989. You won't go out with a chick because you haven't gotten to mile 1000 yet this month.
First things first! When all the funiture in your house came from Fizik, Selle, WTB, San Marco or Velo. Ha, Madmac that sounds like my story - I sh*t you not. Never did get my TT wheels. Only thing is she wanted LOTS of money too!! when you WALK around town with friends in a peloton to avoid wind resistance! You buy jeans to fit your thighs but they are Huge in your waist. You only have one testicle?
And your "little men" swim in circles? When all your socks have an imprint from the grease on your outer chain ring.
When you reject a Porsche Boxster only because the central exhaust makes it impossible to fit a hitch rack.
When you go on vacation and rent a U-haul trailer just for your bikes so you don't have to worry about them when you stay at motels along the way or if it rains.
When the only plan you care about for your next "big" birthday involves a double century.
When all your bike gear and tools permanently live in the trunk of your car because you might come across an unanticipated cycling opportunity.
When you're driving up a hill and think about which gear combination you'd need to get up this beast.
Whenever you're sitting in a waiting room of any kind, you are taking your resting pulse.
HTH When all your bikes have names - first, middle, last and nick.
When you see someone walking and assume they must have had a flat.
When you go commando under all your shorts and pants 24/7.
You ride your bike from the garage to the mailbox to pick up your mail.
It makes your day when you poop just before you ride... and you estimate the weight savings, then calculate what it would be worth in lighter bike parts.
EDIT: sounds like DB's boyfriend rather ride his bike than... Don't be a hater DB . A slightly different type of cyclist:
You have your spouse's bike lock key on your key chain as well as your own.
You pick up your kids from preschool on your bike.
You can carry a weeks worth of groceries in your front basket.
You believe spandex is optional.
You log more miles per week on a bike than in a car.
You own a pair of bicycle "dress shoes."
You have multiple bikes for multiple occasions.
You've converted more than one friend to "the lifestyle." When you read your biking magazines in the john more than your copies of Playboy.
When you just bought a new road bike and you feel elated because now it means you can start shopping for a new mountain bike.
Seeing "XT" on Berkley fishing line and not thinking about fishing. Ditto seeing it on men's extra-tall clothing.
Wondering how you can rig a rig so you can carry your fishing pole on your bike on your next trip around Mille Lacs Lake.
You see people riding Harleys and think they are just plain lazy. | 