No chemistry, or just nervous?

I've been on a couple of dates with this really attractive guy. No sex yet, but we definitely have a sexual attraction (already made out on the couch, etc.). He's also very considerate (holding the door open for me, etc.)

The conversation is also generally good. There's the occasional awkward silence, but one of us always restarts the conversation quickly. We've also done some interesting things already (like bike rides, air hockey and mini-golf, plus some nice dinners).

The problem is, we haven't really gotten emotional. A few quick moments, but aside from the physical affection, I feel there is a tentativeness, or a barrier even, to talking about feelings (more so on his part).

Plus, I've been the one pursuing, so I'm doubly insecure (though he's always accepted right away to my offers).

So, am I overreacting -- is he just shy? Should I be concerned that there may be no chemistry? We are set to discuss a third date this Thursday, and I'm worried I may be forcing it. Thoughts?

OVERREACTING!!! lol best way to find out is to leave it for a while then c if he makes an effort to c u.ask u out etc

what kind of emotions are you talking about after a few dates of mini golf and air hockey???

It's only been a few dates, unless you've known each other for a while beforehand, this is nothing unusual.

its only your third date! overracting! he seems shy. dont worry about it. to test if he's really into it just sit back and let him persue you

im having some problems like this myself..but i would stop saying stuff..unless when he answers right away it seems even a little bit doubtful that he doesnt like you..i would stop if you even doubt it for a second..give him a chance to come out..since you already made a move thats good..he will soon..if neither of you did..i would say go for it.but i think he is just shy..i think he will come out eventually and if he doesnt like you he wont and you will know obviously..but if he is the one that wants another date that is also good! but if its you and he agreed he might like you..but all situations are different i would just say stop giving your input and give him some time..and ifa fter a couple months or a month nothing further happens be l ike look ilike you..do you like me ...or w/e..just if you dont like me like that let me know..and if he needs more time..well thats up to you if he needs more time..

I disagree. I think your hunch is onto something. Pretty much, if we know ourselves well and we know what we want, we pick up on cues that tell us whether or not we are compatible with someone or not.

Awkward moments of silence? Yup! That's a HUGE red flag! It's one thing to be shy/nervous around one another, but if there's this 'tense' feeling when it's quiet, it's a sign of incompatibility- for some reason, something in the ingredient is missing: that emotional connection, intellectual stimulation, or the physical chemistry's a little off (perhaps the pheromones just aren't clicking..)

Since you feel that the emotional part is lacking, you're probably right.

One thing you must remember, always trust your gut no matter what ANYONE says. After all, you know yourself BEST! Besides that, I had a situation similar to yours. The guy I dated was ABSOLUTELY handsome, we had a really strong physical attraction towards one another, but the emotional aspect just wans't there from get go. I tried to sweep it under the carpet and was in denail for 2 years. Then I woke up and realized, I listened to other people and my friends when I really should've listened to myself.

So listen to yourself. All of your emotions are valid. Let it be your guide. In the end, your happiness matters.

enjoy it for what it is. expecting deep emotional talks this early into the relationship is just scary.

way too much pressure.

have fun with the guy. try to learn more about his life and how he spends his time away from work. still waters run deep so they say, so don't lose hope and think he is simply superficial.

it's way too early in the game to predict whether it will work out or not, so why do you need the emotional stuff at this point?

what if he's just not good at emotions? is he left handed? (sorry any lefties out there....)

enjoy what you've got. don't look so insecure. drop the desperation. have fun. if it's meant to be, it will happen!

in the meantime just enjoy each other's company, tell a few jokes, keep the conversation light. the time will come for deeper communication, but way too early now. you would just scare him off.

If you're looking for a well-rounded and healthy relationship, perhaps you need to rethink some things. A well-rounded relationship requires three things: intimacy, passion, and commitment. You definitely have the passion, you seem like you have commitment because you're still planning dates together. But if there's no intimacy, then this rendezvous won't last very long. If sex is all you've got, then it's not good enough (unless that is the kind of relationship you want, because I know some people like having f*ck buddies). I hope you guys can open up your feelings to each other, because that would indicate trust. And for a true relationship to form, there'd have to be trust.

Another thing I'm concerned about, for your sake, please don't be the only one who's giving and giving. You say you're pursuing but he is quick to accept your offers. Has it occurred that he might be taking advantage of your eagerness? There should be reciprocity as well. If he isn't making any effort, then why should you? Please weigh the benefits that you're getting out of this against the benefits he's getting, and ask yourself if it is fair for you. Thanks, good luck w/ everything.

Most of your concerns are just average things not to be worried about.

Women always bring up chemistry in relationships; what do you expect to happen, fireworks go off and you wet yourself every time you see him?

I'm sorry for the irritation but my ex-girlfriend always complained about the lack of emotion (and yet tried to break into my room a few times after I broke it off). I honestly don't see what you women expect to find in a relationship.

Look at this way:
You like a really attractive guy, who seems like a very nice person. He likes you. You are both sexually attracted to each other, and can converse. Try not to question it too much and give the relationship more time. If you both can't interest each other, try and find someone else, but don't expect him to be the best guy in the world, or else you'll never be happy.