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Parenting question, should I let him keep it? |
My eleven year old son has a bad habit of 'taking things from others without taking them'. He will see something he likes and makes the person give the thing, or another like it, to him(yugio cards, toys, ect.) He broke the breaks on his bike so has been bike-less. He came home a week later with a used bike belonging to a kid he met at the park. Fine, I let him keep it, but he has gone as far as telling kids he doesn't own swimming trunks so they will had over their extra pair for him. Finally, last Wednesday I explained to him that this must end and the next thing he gets from someone in that way he will have to turn over to me. So yesterday I get home from work and see that he somehow got this used tackle box from somewhere. The thing is bigger than my tackle box and my son's put together. It is obviously old and used but still ok to use. I love fishing w'him, I know he will get upset, and I'll feel bad getting rid of it (for a while I guess) but I should carry out what I say, RIGHT? You've got to follow through on what you said. Even if it is old and possibly not worth much to whoever he got it from, he still got it by engaging in the behavior you're trying to stop. If you let him keep it, you're sending the message that you're not very serious about stopping this behavior. He's becoming a skilled manipulator! He may get away with it with his peers, but don't let him pull it on you, too. Taking the tackle box may be a bit heartbreaking, because it does represent an activity you like to do together. But in the long run, you're not doing him any favors if you let him get away with it. he should give it back and you need to teach that kid morals. I'd take it away, follow up with what you said, otherwise he'll never take you seriously. Also, I'd talk to a school counselor or someone about his behavior with "acquiring" things to make sure there are no other issues. Your son is into sophisticated manipulation. I had a lot of trouble with my son who drove me to the brink of a nervous breakdown. If I tell you that whatever "things" he brings home is, in a way, stealing, you must believe it. My advice to you is to be firm and have him return the items people have given him. This is stealing because he is getting objects through manipulation and deception. Please - if you don't do another thing, make him take these things back. It is not okay for him to keep items he lied to obtain. You should also ask the question as to how he is successfully getting children to give up their prized possessions. Most children aren't that generous but if they are scared they are more likely to give something. Is he genuinely being given them or is he bullying or steeling. Difficult to admit your child may be doing these things but needs asking! You need to put a stop to this now. Go with him to these peoples homes and make him give the stuff back and apologize. He will not learn that you have to work for things if he expects everone to just give him what he wants. How is making him send it back a bad message? Are you sure he's not stealing? Sounds to me like he may be. Do something about it now. At the very least his a manipulative kid. I'm wouldn't let him hang out with mine. |
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