How do kids adjust?

I am looking for some good advice from people who have been through this w/ their own kids or as kids themselves. I know that I should divorce my hubby. We've had many issues in the past with lying, cheating, etc. I 've stuck in out for 3 years since I found out he had a 6 month affair and we even renewed our vows, but I just don't love him as a wife should. The only thing keeping me here right now is our 13 y/o son. Our son is okay with a divorce, but does not want to leave the area where we live. We live on a farm and he has room to ride his ATV and dirt bike and also has cattle that he raises and shows and doesn't want to leave his school/friends. If I do get a divorce, I'd like to move back to where I'm from which is 45 mins. away. I could never afford a farm on my own. I've told my son that he would meet many new friends and probably have more even more friends that now since we live in a rural area. He said he'd want to stay w/ his dad so he could still be on the farm. How well

do kids adjust? The thought of him not wanting to live w/ me kills me. Is it self-fish of me to want to move back to where I'm from? I just really have a need to move back to my roots and start my life over. I have no doubt that in time my son would be okay as he is a level-headed, well-adjusted kid, but him telling me that he wants to stay here really hurt me! Any thoughts are appreciated. Thanks.

I don't think we give kids the credit due. I must admit my mother was in the same situation and I was the kid. I understood what my mother had to do. I hate leaving the area and my friends but we moved about 30 miles away. I was just thirteen but watching my mom stay with this man who cheated on her, made things more stressful for me and my sisters. All the arguing and tension in the air. I thought she stayed too long. My sisters weren't as understanding but they adjusted. You make a better mother for your son only if you are happy. So put yourself in a position to be happy and he will adjust. And the marriage is your husband's fault so he will owe you alimony and child support.

To be honest, what you're dealing with, I know a bunch of dads who are.

Nothing you said indicated that your husband was an unfit or horrible parent. So the question is, how well would your son grow up without you, and the sad answer is, he'd probably turn out pretty well. It would benefit him to have the model of a good relationship, but he's not getting that right now anyway.

But people often blur two ideas. One is staying for the kids _benefit_ one is staying for the opportunity to be WITH your kids. That's the one many dads are caught with. For them the issue is less financial, and more that they expect that they would lose physical custody in a divorce. So while plenty of (mostly women) like to say how the kids are fine in a divorce, many of us understand that while - to use you as an example - your son might grow up fine seeing you only a few times a month, you simply WANT to be with him every day.

I don't think you need to stay for his benefit. You need to decide what YOU want to do for the next few years.

I do think you are being selfish for wanting to move the poor kid away from his father and all he's known. As long as the father is a fit parent, your son should live with him, boys needs their fathers at that age. You should move to somewhere close to your son so you can continue to have a good relationship with him.

If your husband adopted your son then he is legally HIS son also! He has just as many rights to him as you do.