Can anyone check if this is correct?

i have to write a narrative essay 250 words about my first ride on a bike this is what i have it must be detailed and specific. Did i do it any suggestions?

When I was a young girl I was always happiest on my bike. There were many places around my home that were traffic free and great to ride on. I can remember the wonderful sensation of flying as my bike zoomed down a hill and the wind blew on my face. It was one of those pure joys of childhood that you never forget. On my bike I felt totally alive and at one with the world.
It all started one afternoon after my 9th birthday party. My mother told me that outside there was a gift for me. I was very excited and couldn鈥檛 wait to see what it was. There I was outside under the warm sun, when I saw a pink beautiful bike and my father. I ran towards my dad hugging and thanking him ignoring the flies buzzing around me, and then to my beautiful bike.
I slid my tiny feet into the rubber straps of the petals. Gradually, my tiny legs frantically rotated forward fast and faster. I did it. I finally balanced my body perfectly. I kept moving forward, watching the dark pavement pass under the wheels. Never in my life did the pungent smell of hot rubber on concrete on a sunny summer's day please my senses so much. The fast transportation provided a sense of freedom.
I then pushed my legs back, causing the wheels to come to a sudden halt. I jumped off the bike, admiring my first liberating ride.

I stood there staring at the bike in admiration. The shiny red metal glistened in the sun light. No scratches or marks were in sight.

i liked it

yeah pretty good but you have changed the colour of the bike but it is a bit boring and it didnt take me back to my first bike ride and thats what I would be looking for in your essay, something that the reader will identify with.