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How to tell grandparents they are overstepping boundaries? |
The in laws buy way too much stuff, mostly dime store junk. My grandaughtes was 8 months on her 1st christmas, they bought a potty chair, they bought her a used play kitchen set when she was a year, they bought her a bike way before my daughter and son in law even got her trike, she is getting ready to start daycare in a week so they went out and bought her a bookbag, something my daughter had already got but now feels obligated to use the one they got. They buy so much stuff for christmas that my daughter said the other day that since they buy so much she was only getting a couple things for her. Christmas is for parents not grandparents. My daughter is very hurt by this but dosen't want any conflict. I know this really isn't any of my business but it really is because it is my daughter thats getting hurt. Mind you this is just a few of the many things they have done in the past. Does ahyone out there hav any ideas for me and my daughter???? Why doesn't she have her husband talk to his parents? They are being generous so why don't you spread the generosity and give the excess gifts to kids who need it? Tell them that you appreciate everything that they have gotten for your daughter but that you would appreciate it if they didn't buy these things so often. Tell them that there is nothing wrong with a gift everynow and then but that they need to slow down for alittle while. opefully they should understand im sorry i mean grandaughter i mis-read the question. I think your daughter (or actually your son-in-law, since it's his parents) should tell the grandparents that although they appreciate all the gifts they get their child, and their generousity, they want to teach their child the value in other things. They could suggest that they limit the number of gifts that are given to the child and explain that while they know how much the grandparents love the child, what would be even more special than "things" would be quality time together. Maybe they'll get the hint, but maybe they want. If they continue showering the child with presents, then the parents (your daughter and s-i-l) need to start giving some of it away to charity. They shouldn't feel obligated for the child to use "grandma's backpack"....how about letting the child use the one from the grandparents when she's at home and use the one her mom bought her for daycare? they r showing their love for granddaughter.ur daughter can simply say to them that she does not need this thing so please exchange it or return it.(without getting rude).or she can accept those things and can give to to some other kids as a present. This issue is not about the in-laws. It's about your daughter. She's hurt by their actions but she's not speaking up about it. Encourage your daughter to tell her in-laws how she feels. She can talk to them and tell them how much she appreciates everything they do for the baby but that it is getting out of hand. Maybe they can store some of the things at their house for when your granddaughter goes there to visit. Try to put some perspective on the situation. The in-laws are thrilled to have a baby to spoil. Is this their first grandchild? How long has it been since they had the opportunity? You don't do the same things because your daughter confides in you and you know when to back off. The in-laws continue to do what they do because no one has told them it's becoming offensive. If your daughter doesn't talk to them they will continue to buy things because it gives them joy and they are under the impression that it gives everyone else the same joy. By not saying anything, your daughter is being unfair to them. An open and honest discussion on the subject would be helpful to all. If it's handled with gratitude and compassion for their feelings, they will probably accept it with understanding. They may feel a little embarrassed that their enthusiasm got the best of them so encourage your daughter to tread lightly but she still needs to be direct about her needs and wishes. By avoiding conflict she's allowing the situation to continue and to escalate. If she continues to avoid, she may get so upset one day that she blows up at them. If they have no idea how she feels, will that be fair to them? i had to tell mine to stop buying things that its nice they think of my child and we do appreciate it but that as her parents somethings we would like to buy her 1st... that she will love them they dont have to buy her. my child was 5yrs old before i got to buy her a pair of shoes. her granny thought she needed new ones everyday. at her 1st xmas she had so much stuff from them i had to send it home with them we had no room.... You're right, it's not really your problem. If your DD is getting her feelings hurt by this the best thing you can do is advise her to talk to her husband about this. Once they've decided together how they want to handle it, they can both talk to his parents. However, some grandparents won't listen to any kind of plea to lessen the amount of gifts. If that's the case you can suggest she find alternative ways to deal. Like toys, for every new one that goes into your granddaughter's room she has to choose an old one to donate to charity. Too many new toys at one sitting...maybe put 1/2 on a shelf and dole them out over time. A second book bag...use it to store small toys in her room. Basically, even if the the in-laws don't end up changing their behavior, your DD can change how she reacts and feels about this. |
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