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| *Vultures Knob>>>Bicycle Shop |
Wal-Mart jokes? |
Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. 2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store. 4. Don't bother doing your own shopping. Simply find someone with a full trolley containing roughly the items you need, and when they are not looking take it and go pay for it at the checkout. (this is not stealing, they did not own the items yet, they were simply 'moving them around') 5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners. 6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap. 7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters. 8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit, then arrange them into erotic poses. (be creative with the gift-wrap tubes used in point 6). 9. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly, especially in thin aisles. 11. Turn all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off and turn the volume up to full blast. 12. Re-enact a fatal incident involving the automatic doors. 13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi. I haven't seen you in so long." etc. See if they play along. Insist on calling them 'Bob', and if they protest, get angry about it (violent if necissary). 14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys this crap anyway?!" 15. When you leave the store, try your car keys in the door of every car in the car park until you get to your own. Then drive off as if this is perfectly normal. (Note- if you don't actually own a car and walked to the store, attempt the above by substituting car keys with your house keys). 16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are taking it for a test drive. 17. Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet behind them. Do this until they leave the store. 18. Ask if you can test some super-glue before buying it, then walk around the store gluing random items to other items/customers/staff. For added fun: See how many cashiers you can glue to each-other before any of them notice. 19. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say "BEEP" in a loud voice. Repeat this for every item, and for other customers items. If the cashier protests, kill them. 20. Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and when they say you didn't buy it there say "The customer is always right dammit!!" Make a scene. 21. Move "Caution : Wet Floor" signs to The parking lot 23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other aisles. 24. Ask a really fat customer "Son im gonna need that ham back" 25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave." 26. Climb things. 27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles. 28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down. Once you have mastered this, progress to "boobs". 30. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between them yelling "Red Rover." 31. Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples). Do a vague hand-mime of what a 'Shnerple' looks like to assist them. 32. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men. 33. Take bets on the battle from above. 34. Test the brushes and combs in Cosmetics on all the live animals in Pet-Care. 36. Hold indoor shopping cart races. 37. Put your T-Shirt on top of your head and say "I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO! I AM A GRINGO!" 38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags. 39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags against their will. 40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies." 41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store. 42. Two words: Marco Polo. 43. Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet section, etc. 44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's using an alternative alphabet of your choosing. 45. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with various funnels. 46. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at something, quickly place random combinations of items in their cart, such as 'A Large Cucumber and a Tub of Vasceline'. 47. Relax in the patio furniture drinking beer until you get kicked out. 49. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time. 50. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go to the food court, buy a drink, and explain that you don't get out much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it. 51. Start playing Football, see how many people you can get to join in. 52. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putiing one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles. 53. Play a game of indoor freeze tag. 54. Drive around the entrances screaming out the window "the British are coming! the British are coming!!" 55. Have a team race with your friends- one person sits in the cart, the other pushes. 56. Run into a pyramid of cans, heroically saing "I'm gonna save us from that bomb!" 57. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over. 58. Randomly direct people to the deodorant section 59. If people arent looking at their cart, steal it. 60. See how much stuff you can break before you get caught. I'll do #37. You skipped #3. ...I am CORNHOLIO! I need TP for my BUTTHOLE! Do you have TP for my BUNGHOLE?! I am a GRINGO. I come from Lake TITICACA! TITICACA!..... ...phew, the coffee wore off! too much to do This is way too long, I got bored reading. You did that yesterday. Still funny though. 27 is my favorite I haven't done that in years I always liked going into the toy section and setting off all the Bounce'N'Talk Tiggers. You could get the whole shelving unit vibrating. Actually, any button that says "Try me" is a huge temptation. Push that one, and every other one that there is. All right in a row. Nice |
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