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| *Vultures Knob>>>Bicycle Shop |
Can u proof read this:? |
I was sitting on the hammock outside, thinking of something to do. I turned on the radio, 鈥?0 degrees and sunny today,鈥?what gorgeous day going to waste, I thought. Although it was only 2鈥檕clock, I was already done with my homework and chores, and pretty much bored to death. The phone rang, 鈥淚鈥檒l get it,鈥?I shouted, unsure if anyone even heard. I ran inside, and glanced at the Caller ID, and saw that my friend, Kylie was calling. 鈥淗ey, you free?鈥?she asked. It sounded like, she was pretty bored too. 鈥淥h my god, yes, I鈥檝e been bored all day!鈥?br /> After a few minutes of talking, we both decided that we should meet up, in the middle of Chase Farms, a near-by sub-division, and ride are bikes to Guernsey鈥檚, a famous ice cream shop a few miles away. This was perfect; I finally had something exciting to do. I got my bike and headed to Chase Farms. The scorching sun was beating down on me, and I was glad we planed for ice cream. Soon, I saw Kylie. 鈥淲ow, this is gonna be great,鈥?she Well, I think your whole story doesn't come up. But for starters, it's 2 o'clock, apostrophe after the O, not the 2. And the sentence that starts with "After a few minutes" is a run-on sentence. You need to make it a few sentences, not just one. "Nearby" does not need a hyphen. It's planned, not planed. And you left out the 'a' in What a gorgeous day going to waste. That's all I got time for. in beginning you are missing a few spaces/quotation marks, but except that its all good! There are grammar mistakes and you need to describe, not tell. Also, I don't understand how a sunny day could be "going to waste"... the main character was free of work, so shouldn't she be happy to relax? Other than that, good job! I'll edit your first paragraph so that you see what I mean: Soporifically lying on my hammock, I was surrounded by the beauty of nature. The sun illuminated a possee of dandylions as I was pondering ideas of what I could do. I clicked the radio on and a deep voice announced that today would be 鈥?0 degrees and sunny鈥? "What a gorgeous day gone to waste," I thought. I already completed my homework and chores, so there was nothing to do. I glanced at my shiny digital watch. It was only two o'clock. This looks fine to me. I used to live in MI near Chase Farms. I could relate to all of the places that you mentioned. |
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